Behind me

Several weeks ago, the ice skater, Scott Hamilton was mentioned in our weekly church newsletter as exemplifying a positive attitude.  I couldn't find the book referred to in the article, The Great Eight, How to Be Happy (even when you have every reason to be miserable) so I checked out his previous book, Landing It: My Life On and Off the Ice. I skimmed it and wound up offended.

He gets cancer, has surgery and chemo, and within months is back skating.  And not simply reclaiming-his-passion skating.  Let me quote:

"...But slowing down is not my style, especially not when I was the biggest competition of my life: me versus cancer.

   I was determined to beat this illness, and that meant skating again, showing everyone I could regain my old form."

His coach then goes on the say that every time he steps on the ice, he must skate as if he is in competition- no quarter, no backing down- full out every time.

At this point, I'm irked.  Cancer is not simply an enemy.  It is his own body, his own cells, going rouge, trying to tell him about his limits, trying to let him know that something is wrong which needs his attention and help.

I think to myself, "If this is the kind of attitude which is being held up as an example, then I'll pass.  I've been down the driven path and I know exactly where it leads." 

Unhappiness is not a spiritual virtue.  Martyrdom by lack of boundaries is not heroic. 

Then The Great Eight came on reserve and I knew from page 2 that Scott had grown up.  I skimmed through it rather quickly skipping large sections since I have little interest in skating celebrities.  Some of it's a little cliche frankly.  However, his main thrust- choosing happiness in adversity- great point.  And his chapter "Clearing the Ice" was right on about conflict resolution.

It was quite powerful for me to see someone grow up overnight- from their mid-30's to 50's all in one week.  It gave me new eyes to see my own process and realize how far I've come.  I used to be a driven performer and now I'm living differently.  It was a good reminder of where I've come from and why it lies behind me.